3 Tools to Transform Jealousy & Embrace Sisterhood
These posts have been stirring in my heart for some time now, as I experience the deep medicine of such practices for our communities and our world. Sisterhood has been such a powerful force in my life, expressing it’s magic in the form of celebration, support, and amplified spirit song. However in the past few years, I have seen more and more, the ways in which this gift can become distorted and lost in a sea of patriarchal conditioning and comparative programming.
I am happy to offer this series, as I continue sharing tangible tools to embrace the gift of sisterhood that dances beyond our wounds.
It’s time we end the era of the lone wolf and commit instead, to our collective rising.
My Journey with Sisterhood
I am very blessed to have been raised on such loving, authentic experiences of sisterhood. My home became the heart of such solidarity, as my blood sister and I grew up in the world of dance. Always a part of a team (in our experience, an all-women team), we often had both of our dance groups spend entire weekends at our house. Our home was giggle-filled and joy-sparked with up to 20 young girls, all working together in pursuit of our passions and unstoppable dance dreams. We cheered each other on, shared our deepest vulnerabilities, laughed to the tune of karaoke parties, and amplified each other’s goals over pillow talks and promises. Dance was our country and we were fellow patriots, singing along to the same anthem, with pride that warmed our bellies and purpose that filled our hearts.
As our focus was so deeply pointed dancewards, we did not experience much friction in the realms that young girls often do- ex. appearance comparison, fights over boys, etc. With this solid foundation of healthy sisterhood, received as solely = A GIFT, it has made deep sense for my path to unfold into the facilitation of sister circles, women’s retreats, red tent gatherings, and so on. Truly, there is such potent medicine within the bond that sisters share on a primal, nature-connected, and shared resilience-risen level.
despite all the truth that we are bonded by… there is much conditioning that drives us to division, cattiness, distrust, and betrayal.
In the past few years, I have seen in the eyes of many women that I work with, in the voices of my community, and in the depths of my own heart- that the seemingly surface wounds existing between sisters…
Truly. Run. Deep.
So, how can we reclaim the infinite gifts of sisterhood?
How can we rise together as leaders, shining side by side, rather than as competitors fighting for the spotlight?
What wounds must we overcome in order to commit to each other as community members?
How can we choose inspiration rather than intimidation, comparison, resentment or jealousy?
Tool #1 to Transform Jealousy:
Practice: Receive the Gifts of your Sister’s Success
Mantra: The success of one, is the success of all
Jealousy is a wound that runs rampant through the female collective. As we navigate ancient fears of scarcity, poverty, and not enough-ness, it’s not unusual for us to feel jealous of each other’s success… as if one sisters thriving rules out the other’s surviving. It must be repeatedly woven into our brains and our bodies, that this is Not the case. It is actually very much the opposite: for the success of one, is the success of all.
Leaders in our communities’ pave the path for others to shine in their own, unique way.
When we look at herstory, we feel this clearly. For instance, Rosa Parks did not steal another women’s spotlight by speaking up on the bus. What she did do, was use her voice to free the collective, to create more space for all of us to shine. We could call her successful, as her mission served many, made the headlines, she became a household name! And yet, never in a million years would we call her success ‘selfish’. Know that in this given mantra, the word success can be replaced with anything: ex. the liberation of one, is the liberation of all.
When I see entrepreneurial wellness leaders, sacred sexual mama’s, body positive promoters, word weavers, storytellers, business queens, and unapologetically VISIBLE women lighting up my news feed… I choose to be inspired, rather than intimidated. I choose to RECEIVE from their thriving, rather than remaining trapped in a comparison mindset.
A) Thought Surfaces: As women raised in a competitive, consumerist culture… it is unnaturally, natural that we have weighted thoughts arise, like: Ugh, I wish it were me getting all this attention, money, visibility, etc. Allow yourself to hold such thoughts without judgement. Know that this truly is your mind, not your inner-most being, running an internalized script of patriarchal messaging.
B) Commit to the Reframe: End the lie of separation and choose to receive the gifts of another woman’s success. See the ways in which she is creating more space in the world for you to use your own voice. See how she is paving the way for all women to feel more safety in being VISIBLE. Recognize that whether she is aware of her impact or not, she is doing this work For You, For All of Us. This reframe runs way deeper than money. If a woman is celebrating her body, shamelessly taking up space, and placing her multi-faceted self in the spotlight… Know that: she is contributing to the creation of a world, in which it is safer for All of Us to shine. She is normalizing our thriving presence.
C) Ask this Question: What gifts am I receiving from her success? Our minds often wander to material things when we hear the word ‘gift’, but there is so much magic that lies beyond this limited realm of tangibility. Gifts can come in the form of: inspiration, permission-giving, reflections, learning, resonance, solidarity, fluttering hearts, sparked spirits, safety, nurturance, empowerment, etc.
This is a powerful and simple practice to begin rewiring the mind to celebrate the success of your sisters. Serve yourself by loosening your grip on independence and opening your eyes to interconnectivity.
Tool #2 to Transform Jealousy:
Practice: Acknowledge her as ‘Sacred Sister’
Integrate the mantra: your healing is my healing
One of the most powerful breakthroughs of my life came by watching Another Woman (that I barely knew)… receive a healing session. As she was met with nurturance, soft-spoken guidance, and healing love, I began to feel her shifts. Her tears became my tears. Her story, my story. As she freed herself from burdens of so many lifetimes, I felt space open in my own heart and womb. More room for breath, love, expansion, and upliftment, as I soaked in the magic of this witnessing.
Something powerful happens in our psyches when we acknowledge another woman as a ‘sacred sister’. While so much internalized patriarchal BS swims through our murky minds (such as, appearance comparison, judgement, focus on approval or preoccupation with male gaze)… our hearts continue to hold the capacity to calm such waters and anchor into loving truth.
A) When your mind waters get murky and you notice yourself judging, comparing, or envying another woman, practice putting some space between that thought and yourself. Acknowledge that this thought does not come from you, it comes from conditioning internalized and ancestral wounding passed down.
B) Adopt the words ‘Sacred Sister’ as an anchor in navigating such waters. Visualize that anchor keeping you centred in heart. A powerful movement stirs in our souls when we dive beyond conditioning and commit to staying centred in love. Our hearts breathe worlds of compassion, solidarity and empathy. We begin to see through a lens of love, as we recognize that this is a sister who, like ourselves- has had to navigate a culture that constantly diminishes her worth. This is a sister that, like ourselves- has the resilience, courageousness and strength to walk on. With the shift of such revelations, connection begins to pulse and the anchor into heart centre deepens.
As you look at this woman, simply say the anchoring words ‘Sacred Sister’ in your head. Let this acknowledgement hum as resonance and remembrance within. Notice the somatic response to such shifts, does tension release? Does breath expand?
Tool #3 to Embrace Sisterhood:
Practice: shed appearance comparison
Mantra: Loving our bodies is our birthright
Women, ALL women, are deeply conditioned to resent our bodies. With the global weight loss industry making roughly $650 billion a year, it’s no secret that advertisements are shameless in using body shame as a way to sell products. From a young age, we are bombarded with up to 5000 ads per day, which instil the idea that beauty determines worth, which can only be achieved through product X ($$$). This is such a distortion to the concept of beauty, which is something we innately shine, not anything we have to achieve. True beauty beams through all of us as the radiance of passion and the spark of being alive. An important journey that all women must embark upon, is to unlearn societies definition of beauty and to replace it with something much less surface-level and much more spirit-encompassing.
Another tool that the media uses to convince us that our worth lies in their products… is appearance comparison. Advertisements use Before/After photos, placing different body types beside each other, pointing out constructed contrasts like: Worthy/Unworthy, Fat/Skinny, Good Body/Bad Body. There is SO much complexity to this and fortunately, much empowering education is available (Scroll down to receive my FREE ESSAY ON “WOMEN, FATNESS & SEXUALITY” or CLICK HERE to read about Baubo, the Goddess of Belly Love). But for the sake of this article, let’s focus on unlearning appearance comparison in order to celebrate our sisters more fully.
A) Commit to dropping superficial scripts: If we are to unlearn preoccupation with body size, in service of self-love and collective well-being, we must stop feeding the narrative of appearance=worth. We must commit to diving beyond the surface to celebrate ourselves and each other from the inside out.
B) Notice compliments that alienate: I have made it a practice in the past few years, to stop complimenting sisters solely on the basis of appearance. I realized that even if the compliment sounded positive, ex. Wow, you have the nicest eyes/face/body… comparison was still existing at the root of such comments. Almost like these words/observations were driving a wedge of division between this sister and myself, feeding an inferiority/superiority complex, and reinforcing our culture’s overemphasis on appearance… which hurts ALL of us- the person being complimented included. Ask yourself, is the compliment alienating, dehumanizing, other-ing, divisive?
C) Deepen your compliments and observations: Let’s say you see a woman on the bus and the first thing you notice about her is her body size or perhaps you find yourself instantly labelling her as pretty/ugly (Reread part A for tool #2)…begin rewiring this dialogue in your mind, by replacing the thought with deeper observations. Look at her with appreciation and see what you notice beyond the surface: Does she look happy? Is she glowing? Does she seem kind? Is her breath calming to witness? Does she seem stressed? Do you wonder about her story, the loves in her life, her lineage, her passions, the adventures from which she comes? AND if you choose to share a compliment verbally, let it be one that reflects these depths. Let it be one that evokes the ways in which you honour all of her multi-faced magic. Let her feel that you SEE her, as so much more than a body to be objectified, glamorized, cut out with comparison and pasted on a mirror with the glue of #Goals. Let all that you share and all that she shines speak louder than such surface concepts.
So sisters, let’s commit…
No more lone wolf. Our earth and all relations require that we come together Now as collaborators rather than competitors. We must put narratives of selfishness equating success to rest, we must commit to being inspired by one another, rather than threatened. It is time we acknowledge each other as Sacred Sister’s and shine from the depths of our cores, no longer limited by fear of venturing beyond the shallows. AND as we walk this path of liberation, let us be gentle with ourselves. Let us invite self-forgiveness and non-judgement, recognizing the radical nature of our steps. For we are unlearning centuries of deeply engrained programming. Be proud. Celebrate yourself for this commitment to collective rising.
Remember: Your sisters thrive when you shine your unapologetic light, just as You thrive when they shine theirs.
Stay tuned for more tools to transform wounding and embrace sisterhood!
With gratitude & infinite heart,
Shout out to some unapologetically shiny sisters:
Prosperity priestess by molly kubes: online courses, laptop empress, empowering women to claim abundance
The Wild Feminine by Danielle Warford: Building community centred around self-acceptance, body love, and bold reclamation of all the magic that is the feminine!
Sex with bliss by brittney bliss: sacred & sexual wellness coach, yoni egg yoga, womb wisdom, tao tantric arts
Kenzie Brenna: Body positive rockstar, mental health advocate, celebrator of self-love